No one? Okay.

Maybe you should address these issues OOC.

>>18999959

Your group is better off with him, OP. The ex-player confirmed for That Guy.

Oh boy HOWDY do I have a "That Guy" that does this shit all the time

I have several stories, if /tg/ wants to hear

>>19001477
Yes please. I love "That Guy" threads.

>>19001477
Has /tg/ ever declined the offer of a story?

I had one guy who was supposed to kill this important NPC all stealthily because he decided to serve the evil god of the campaign for POWER because he's a retard. So he starts talking to the NPC, they go out to the bastion of the tower he's in and the guy fucking throws the NPC off of the tower in the middle of the crowded city. Now of course a ton of guards are flooding in to murder the guy (the NPC was an old captain of the guard) and he tries a bluff check, but critical fails. Then he derails the whole campaign by demanding we restart that entire section.

Restart. That section. Of the campaign.

Of course, I said no, he got butthurt and the campaign ended up falling apart over a bunch of arguments

>>19001477
We shall judge him!

>>19001496
>>19001490
Alrighty then.

First, let me talk a little about this guy and how he stands in our group. He's the twin brother of another player, but he's in far worse condition

Brother #1 is handsome, well groomed, and a considerate man. A true "This Guy"

Brother #2 (That Guy) while he looks the same, hardly ever bathes, has piss yellow teeth, and acts like a complete douchebag. He browses /b/ during games, chortling loudly

Continued...

>>19001519
>Quick Save/Quick Load mentality

As bad as my players can sometimes get, I'm at least glad they're not that special brand of retarded.

>>19001546
Sorry for the delay, I was talking with my elderly grandfather while typing

He's also very combative, metagames like a fucker, habitually refers to people as "Fags" I.E 4chan abbreviations in real life (For example, when I was hanging out with my group at the mall looking at games, we saw my boss. Instead of using the pronoun "He" he substituted the word "Ponyfag" instead. In front of my boss)

Anyway, let's talk about the time we played Pathfinder

>>19001578

He's done it multiple times. Also of note is the time he made a furry character, and kept randomly changing into an anthropomorphic leopard form when the party was trying to blend in with some bandits because "it's more intimidating".

>>19001591
Party consists of me (Paladin) Brother #2 (Cleric) Brother #2 (Rogue) and ca/tg/irl (Fighter) We were supposed to be investigating a series of disappearances in a frontier esque town. They'd been mining for rare metals, and various smiths, workers, and other assorted people started vanishing

I head down to the local guard outpost to see if they've seen anything, fighter heads off to the bar, and Cleric goes to consult the various grieving families

I want you to take a guess as to what the Rogue does. Go on, guess

YAY! Story time!

>>19001546
Why do DMs allow players to use the Internet? Much less /b/?

>>19001635
He steals everything, that isn't nailed down. Then steals all the nails. Then steal whatever's left over.

>>19001642
To answer that question, we all use laptops when we game. The DM sends us personal messages through Steam (When we get separated, wants one person to know something, etc)

He just abuses it by going on /b/. Sometimes /d/

>>19001635
backstab like a motherlover

>>19001635
He morphs into a blue whale named Winstanleigh?

>>19001697
Or a black dragon named Nidhogg

>>19001635
The Rogue decides (After Brother #2 decided that he really REALLY liked Skyrim) to sneak around and steal from people. He nicks a few coins, but botches a roll on a guard, and is found out. He manages to get away from him, but the rest of the guard were mobilized. He runs into a clothing shop, kills the clerk, and tries to hide in the lines of clothes

>>19001519

oh hai kaitlyn

>>19001717

>>19001717

>wanted for petty theft
>commit second-degree murder to escape

Oh, That Guy.

>>19001717
The DM asks him to roll for concealment. The dice gods had a sick sense of humor that day, as he rolled a 20 and had a sizable amount of ranks in stealth. Though as he rolled it, he jumped up and down, shouting "HAHAHA! FUCKING DUMBASSES!" and flaring his disgusting yellow teeth.

The guards don't find him, most of them leave, but one stays behind to examine the corpse, and see if he's OK

The Rogue moves behind the guard, sneak attacks, he's down, bleeding pretty bad

Brother #2 rolls again, smiling with glee

"What are you doing?" the DM asks

"Rolling a grapple check to pin him down"

"What? Why would you do that? He's already staggered"

"So I can rape him, duh"

>>19001785
yeah, he'd be ejected from every group I've ever been in a this point.
>Captacha: bland script

>>19001785
>"So I can rape him, duh"

>>19001817
You should just, "That DM" him all the way through the game to piss him off. Railroad him and have him separated from the party for a long period and when he finally finds them separate him again.

>>19001785

>"So I can rape him"

>>19001785
The room goes silent for a good minute; he's still got that smug expression on his face

"Why the FUCK do you want to rape a helpless guard?"

You know the reasoning they have on the internet with "It's not gay if balls don't touch!" Due to some form of super autism, he believed this to actually be true

He rolls the dice anyway, and gleefully describes the guard rape, bouncing in his chair as he describes humiliating him

At this point, the DM decided to call the game and Brother #1 took his retarded kin home. That was about two weeks ago, we haven't had a game since.

We've done other stuff with him before this, but nothing involving rape. Just whining and pouting and metagaming and so on

I can tell those if you want

>>19001851
Go for it.

>>19001851
>I can tell you those
Please do

>>19001785
>>19001851
THIS WAS REAL?

how could you even

>>19001878
That has to be fake.

>>19001785
See this is when you start implementing 'smart' guards - they decide to stay and search the shop - all of them.

And when he goes "hurr raep time" we go "No, that doesn't happen at my table"

>>19001865
Alright, here's a Dark Heresy story

I'm a Guardsman, Brother #1 is a Cleric, Brother #2 is a Psyker, and ca/tg/irl is a Tech Priest

We're investigating a possible cult in a hive world, trying to pick up some information, staying a bit low, and scraping by, clue by clue

The Psyker tries to go off and follow a lead that we weren't 100% sure of (Pretty much involved a he-said-she-said) scenario involving some factory workers

Psyker goes off to the factory, barges in, and demands to speak with the the people that were described

>>19001919
Admittedly, they did search the shop, they just didn't find them.
The one guy stayed behind to collect the body.

>>19001920
Now, this wasn't a very subtle Psyker. He had a reconstructed skull, one of those fancy Aquilla staffs, and flowing robes. People were getting pretty scared, and backing away.

Psyker decides that this isn't working, so he grabs a worker, and uses blood boil on him, demanding the culprits to come forward

Now they didn't know he was with the inquisition (We didn't get rosettas, we were expected to be subtle, after all) To them, he was just some Psyker who was blood boiling their buddy

Some of them work up the courage to mob him. They start to beat him with wrenches/other blunt objects.

>>19001975
eh, works for guardsmen, works for civilians I guess.

>>19001927
Should still have been at least two. Never leave one guy alone at a murder scene.

>>19001975
He tries to start throwing fire bolts at folks but much to his disdain...

>9

Oh fuck

>Rolls phenomenon
>Perils
>Rolls daemonhost

So the Psyker becomes a daemonhost, and quickly tears through the workers. They're starting to shit their pants at this time, and start fleeing. Again, this player runs on Autism, and thinks his transformation is "LOL SO AWESUM" and talks about torching shit.

The Arbites show up and start shooting the shit out of him with their auto-shotguns, and he dies

Afterwords, he has a smug "That was fun" face afterwords, and we ended there.

>>19002017
Actually that shows really awesome. He wrecked shit up, became a demon, and then got killed by the Arbites. Sounds like a great cautionary tale of the Wrap and prideful Psykers. What was the rest of the campaign after that?

>>19002017
>The arbites show up and shoot the shit out of him

Even in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, there is still justice

>>19002017
Sorry to interrupt your stories, but I'll be brief.
I was playing against a guy in I think my 4th game of warhammer with my bullshit tau list, including (I think) a total of 2 battlesuits with craptastic weapons and gun drone squadrons.

Long story short, his space wolves wipe the floor with me, and after I shake his hand, he invites me to another game. I agree because, hey, I need the experience, and he says "hang on"

He runs up the stairs (we're playing in the basement) and I hear from upstairs "hey Dad! I tabled the tau!" and proceeded to gloat about how well he'd won against me while I'm building terrain for the next game, honestly considering quitting and feeling bad about myself. After he wipes the floor a second time and don't I just feel like the worst person ever, he says "Wow, you're 1850 list isn't very good. you might want to look up better ones online"

>your 1850 list isn't very good
>1850 list
>1850

I'd been playing this whole time with 1500 since that's the suggested total in the codex. I accept that we should have checked, but he was also one of those players that let's new players make tactical mistakes just because they don't know the rules (moving jump infantry 6" to move).

kinda long and rambling, but it's one of my worst experiences in playing warhammer 40k.

I ahve another story, but I'll try to keep it brief.

>>19002074
We managed to find a Khornate cult later. Brother #2 was wrassled into submission after threatening to withhold Pizza from him (He didn't have a job and never contributed, but Brother #1 always offered to pay his share) There was a huge battle involving jumping from a building onto a runaway Valkyrie, powerswords, and epic music.

Shit was awesome

>>19002141
You can just call Brother #1 Jekyl and Brother #2 Hyde. Surely there can't be much difference.

>>19001889
>>19001878
You two have never heard of Luke, Plagueson of Nurgle, have you?

>>19002167
That's actually a brilliant idea. I'll call them that from now on

There's also an ops and tactics story that I'll tell in a bit. First I need some grub

>>19002170
Links for the uninitiated.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6885970/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6898745/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6910746/

>>19002192
FASTEEEER

>>19002192
I actually have to step out for a bit; I'll be back later on

Y'all are welcome to post your "That Guy" stories until I get back

I'm going to bump this once in hope of better stories.

Seriously, Improve.

I was playing a lawful good Inquisitor the other day, and the party was hired to go down into the crypt of the local church and clear out some zombies. Our CN gunslinger was stealing all of the valuables down there RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! He didn't even try to hide it. The first time I just asked him to put them back, and he got all pissy about it, but he did as he was asked. The second time I punched his character (not to deal damage, just to get his attention) and threatened to clap him in irons.

So he decides to sneak attack me (the rest of the party is present for all of this), and the player throws a bitch fit when the party stops him and beats his character into unconciousness. He quit that day because the rest of us "Weren't taking the game seriously". Fucker.

I once had a freaky furry in my games. Always wore fox ears, had the tail, that deal

Kept trying to roll up anthro characters and complained when we didn't let him. Always liked to curl up in a ball and pretend purr in our FLGS

I may have actually used up all of my That Guy stories in previous threads fairly recently.

>>19002565
TELL THEM ANYWAY

Eh, that DM.

rolled attraction for me, against every female (N)PC in the campaign.

Even in casual conversation they would react with utter disgust, recoil, call me out as lecher.

Venerable Elven wizard living in town for hundred years and more,suddenly attracted to the humans populating said city.

DM refused to let me cast spells. Would have me knocked out via fiat, ambush, or orc intervention to prevent it. Tried to cast mage armour in brawl, got orc thrown on top of me, OHKO'd me.

First time with wizard, forgot to write down draconic bonus langauge or take my other bonus languages. DM rules I cant cast spells without draconic.

Spellbook got wet, all of my meagre spells ruined, cannot study book to relearn spells.

Culmination of session was myself being killed by DM and spontaneous assassin vine, he changed my alignment to chaotic evil, sent me to weejas, gave me 5 levels, leadership, then ended session.

>>19002464
we had one furry who would Eroleplay at the table on msn, when my minotaur had a romantic interest presented by the DM he started joking about bestiality and cow fucking.

That romance did not take place. That character still vaguely exists in the setting, though is never brought out by the DM intentionally.

>>19002673
Uh, are you going to elaborate?
'Cause that sounded horrible, but didn't make much sense.

>>19002713
oh, he also smoked up outside without the DM's permission. Rarely contributed money towards food (we often fed him for free) regularly fell asleep at the table and in a year of playing never once remembered what his healing modifers were.

When the DM was pissed it was less about the pot, and more that he bogarted the joint.

Played my first game of D&D in years yesterday. Organised everything since none of my mates have played D&D. (Our DM had run online games once or twice but never a physical game)

Game went absolutely great for the entire day, bar the one guy I figured would be an issue, getting louder and louder every time he realised his attempts to talk over others wasn't working. I still have no idea why he talked as much as he did, considering that every time we went into combat his actions consisted almost entirely of screaming "I CAST MAGIC MISSILE" at the top of his voice. Eventually at about 9pm the game was minutes from wrapping up and said guy decided he had to leave because "he was nervous about getting stuck on the last train" so he asks me for directions and then heads off.

>>19002771

Ten minutes later we get a phone call from this guy freaking the fuck out because he completely ignored my directions and got lost.

I spent an hour looking for him, only to find out he was FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE and the only reason it had taken an hour to retrieve this information was because he was crying and taking panic attacks, while endlessly phoning one of my friends.

The train station is less than a ten minute walk away from my house by the way, and getting there consists of walking down three straight roads while turning a corner once or twice at places that are very easy to find, making it rather hard to get fucking lost.

Having left everyone in my house to go and look for this idiot, I wasn't in the greatest of moods when I found him, but made sure not to raise my voice or anything, for fear of making him fucking cry again. Pointed out to him that he was mere minutes away from the station then turned around and started walking back to my house before he could open his mouth and make me want to punch him.

By the time I got back, two of the other players had left because it turns out this guy phoned one of the girls from our group, crying about how I'd hurt his feelings and he had taken ANOTHER panic attack and needed someone to walk him to the train station, so que my friend and her BF wandering off to find him.

After speaking to her today, turns out this guy never wants to come back again for another game because he's terribly, terribly upset that I didn't treat him like everything was sunshine and roses after he wasted an hour of my fucking time trying to look for him, because he couldn't listen to simple fucking instructions.

This guy is 26 years of age by the way, and he can't take a 5-10 minute walk down a road without freaking out and expecting everyone to run to his aid and save him because he can't fucking deal with reality.

>>19002781
Man, there are people who can't deal with reality and then there are people that take advantage of the fact.

I had a panic attack the other day because I threw away a six-month old magazine and I still feel superior to this fuck.

>>19002737
I wrote out a couple posts worth on that one session a few days back.

Wish I had saved it actually.

It was the shitty game run by a good friend who I never played with again. I ended up running my own game for another circle of friends through the rest of highschool.

Apologies the coherence is not great, playing in an online game right now and keeping track of the fighters duel.

>>19002781
Okay, is this a 'I am That Guy' story? I get that you are frustrated at that dude but people having huge social anxiety and extreme difficulty in social environments is 100% A Thing, and if this dude was legitimately disturbed and you acted like a total dick to him afterwards - it's you that's the cunt.

It's cool though. I'll just go tell my autistic fucking brother to get his act together and 'be normal' because I mean, he can't fucking deal with reality, we should treat him like shit.

>>19002870
If your autistic fucking brother decides to involve himself in any kind of social activity, then yeah.

>>19002870
It's like training dogs-you don't give them a treat when they do something wrong. That tells them that the 'wrong' thing is going to get them rewarded, and so they do it again. And yeah, panic attacks are a thing but so is getting upset about someone unable to do something so simple, and wasting everyone's time. If he wanted to go to the train station, but couldn't do it alone, he should have waited till the game was over, and other people were leaving.

And yes, I did just compare your autistic brother to a dog. Deal with it.

>>19002781
was it the guys first time to your area?
was it dark out?

Some people don't handle that well.

If its a 5-10 minute walk to the train station, then, as the host, you could have fuckin walked the guy to the station and bid him good evening. would have taken 20 minutes tops.

Some people aren't as well adjusted as you. Who could have guessed.

>>19002922
Sometimes I forget this is 4chan.

>>19002922
Guess I should tell my deaf sister to get her act together also.

>>19002870

This guy doesn't have autism or anything like that, just a massive attention seeker. Spent most of the session as I said, trying to shout over anyone that had anything to say, getting louder and more obnoxious as the night went on, literally screaming "I CAST MAGIC MISSILE" while pointing at people, because he loves making himself the centre of attention be it for good or bad reasons.

Fucked up the ending of the first D&D I've managed to get going in years and several peoples first D&D game ever all because he likes it when people feel sorry for him.

>>19002962
Yeah. I never got why she wanted to join that a capella group to begin with, and I don't think you can blame the guys for getting tired of her.

>>19002870
You know the effects of autism can be overcome and mitigated, right? It's not "whelp, the shrink said I got autism so now I have to act like a ponce all my life". It's just a handicap which means he has to work harder. A bit harder or a lot harder, depending on how bad the autism is, but it's totally possible to overcome.

Once my in a section are team had just talk down the angry primitive natives and mange to convince them of helping us are that guy pull out a gun and shot one of them just because he was showing of his dominance the DM wen dice crasy and somehow we survide and manged to calm them ones more by clever dice rolling.

I quit my group because the resident female played a cat girl "to annoy me", in her words, then proceeded to annoy me with her shenanigans of being distracting to the game.
Since she was female if I told her to cut it out, I'd be asked to leave.
Then again, if I told her to smarten up, she'd take personal offense to it and wouldn't want to do anything forever, ever again because her feelings were hurt.
This has happened at least three times before with various characters that hijack the game or refuse to participate entirely.
One time, I was GMing and she was playing a woodlandey-elf, and she refused to participate in "city folk problems" and fucked off to her forest.
I let her fuck off to her forest and didn't even give her a bit of camera time because the setting was city-centric, and she was told this at the beginning of character creation.
Cunt.

No
I play with my friends
And if one to were act like that, I'd let him know he couldn't play anymore.

Alright, time for more stories of Jekyll and Hyde!

Jekyll & Hyde in Ops and Tactics

None of us had any coherent idea of a campaign at one point, so we decided to wing a campaign. We came up with a Red Dawn scenario in which the Soviet Union invaded America in 1957. I roll up a Greaser tough hero, Jekyll rolls up a Scientist, and Hyde rolls up a soldier

>>19003068

>>19003087
Party time.

>>19003087
The game takes place in Florida, and we're all described by the GM as neighbors. It's a nice sunny day in Miami, but what's this? There are some strange boats on the horizon. Not only that, some strange planes are flying in the sky. Soldier shouts at the top of his lungs "THE COMMIES ARE ATTACKING!" and rushes towards the shoreline, brandishing his M1911A1. I, the burly greaser take it upon myself to rush after him and rescue his dumb ass. Shells sail over and start bombing the place and people are scattering.

(Also, ca/tg/irl wasn't here for this. Part of the reason why we decided to do this campaign instead; didn't want to do anything too big without her)

>>19003068

What the fuck did you even just say?

>>19003144
We decide that we need some transport if we're gonna get anywhere. Luckily for me, I've got a fairly souped up car, one that can fit the party. However the soldier insists on getting a military vehicle. The DM said, "The National Guard hasn't arrived yet, not even the police. They just literally started attacking. Why would there be any military vehicles?"

"I dunno", says Hyde.

>okay.jpg

So we all get in my car and drive off, occasionally making saves against the bombs

At this point, Russian troops start storming into the city

Shit is about to go down

>>19002952
Tell me why some spastic is allowed to ruin my day.

>>19002931
He's been up to my house before, and yeah it was starting to get dark. Thing is, at the point he decided to leave we had just come in contact with the BBEG for the first time and there was a lot of RP'ing going on. He knew his train wouldn't be coming for another half our or so, but still insited on heading out before the game finished. Regardless of all this, if he had asked for someone to walk him to the train station I would have gladly done so and just put the game on hold for the twenty minutes or so it would have taken to walk him there and get back, but he didn't.

>>19002928
Funnily enough, every single member of our group completely agrees with you on this, but they're all too "polite" to say anything to him, about his behaviour. I was really worried he'd bring his bullshit into the game, but decided to give him a chance. Other than constantly trying to cut off people in the middle of RP'ing and screaming his move every single damn chance he got, he was relatively calm so I figured we'd gotten off lucky. Wound up chewing him out earlier today after he called to apologise which consisted of him saying "I'm sorry" then going quiet expecting me to say sorry for not being sympathetic to his bullshit.

>>19003168
aw shit fuck english not being my first langues and a dose of dyslexia sorry about that gonna get my google translautor

>>19003187
If that's how you think and react, I guess it's only natural you don't get many decent people around you.

>>19003186
With a swerve of the car, I manage to hit a couple of foot soldiers and steer out of the way of the oncoming gunfire. Soldier is taking a few potshots with his pistol, surprisingly doing fairly well. Well, maybe this'll be awesome, right?

I tell everyone to hold on, heading for the local gun shop, slamming the brakes and hitting the curb. We all barge in, and grab some rifles/pistols. Hyde complains about M16's not being there, despite the fact this is 1957. He then demands, "Well, what about the AK? That was produced in 47!"

We all stare at him for a while, and then tell him to shut the fuck up.

Despite the fact that none of us have any proper ranks in using guns (Save for soldier) we decide it's better safe than sorry. We head out, ducking behind the car from a Soviet patrol

>>19003262
Oddly enough, I feel exactly the same way as the guy you're responding to, and I DO have lots of decent people around me, specifically because I don't put up with the arseholes who show over and over again that they aren't worth my time.

My friends though? Hooooooooo boy... they DO put up with the people in our social circle that I don't get along with, in the name of being "nice" and they're constantly pissed off and angry about the amount of time wasted dealing with these attention seeking assholes with no respect for anyones time but their own.

>>19003283
As soon as they pass us, Hyde decides to open up on the squad as their backs are turned. With a bolt action rifle. AGAINST 20 SOVIETS ARMED WITH AK'S. Needless to say, he did not survive. He pouted for a while, and then went back to browsing /b/ on his computer, chortling loudly and showing us macros featuring various whores

Good times

>Swarms surecit

Well hell captcha, I didn't know he had swarms of sugars

>>19003202
My group had just managed to persuade a group of primitive natives to help us in our search when the guy pulls a gun and shoots one of them in the head to assert their power.
so we beat his character unconscious and let them capture him.
then we had to have to persuade them with much harder rolls than before.

I just started playing Shadowrun, and I've never really played any of these games before. I'm absolutely terrified of being that guy.

>>19003335
assert his power

>>19003376

It's easy to avoid. Just have some fucking respect for the other players and the DM

That's about it

That's about all the game related material I have on Hyde. The rest is stuff that happened when we took him out in public, nothing really /tg/ related. Like the time he got us thrown our of Toys R. Us

These were the more notable gaming experiences

>>19003394

GM, rather.

>>19003376
Don't worry too much. If you're worried about being "That Guy", you probably won't be one. Most "That Guys" aren't self aware

>>19003335
>>19003202

Google can do that?

>>19003429
Yeah, it's the first time I've seen Google do a better job than a real person.

>>19003429
yes it can
All hail translautor
savoir of the dysletic none english people

>>19003399
>Like the time he got us kicked out of Toys R. Us

I'm going to hate myself, but tell this story

>>19003689
Having worked for Toys R Us, I also want to hear this story.

It's surely better than the time I threw a Narutard in the full getup out of the store.

>>19003719
There is nothing wrong with you story timing while he does, or link to a new thread if you don't want to interrupt.

>>19003719
Agreed. Do tell.

>>19003689
Sorry about the delay

Anyway, we were at Toys R. Us because my niece was about to turn 12, and I wanted to get her something. I'm down in the pink Aisle with Jekyll and Hyde (Jekyll could drive, and had a car. Hyde was supposed to be watched over) I'm looking at barbies for my niece when Hyde grabs a whole bunch of pony boxes and figurines and starts throwing them around, trying to sing the theme song

>>19003869

ಠ_ಠ

>>19003858
That's pretty much the extent of it. He came into my section, wearing the vest, headband, etc, and I'm like "Hi, how can I help you" like they trained me.

He then proceeded to be a huge faggot, and I asked him to leave the store. Not /tg/-related in the slightest, so polite sage.

>>19003869
Wait he's a brony now too? This get even more horrifying.

>>19003885

So what, he was homosexual at you? Or he actually did something bad?

>>19003869
By throwing around, he had the boxes and he thought it would be a "SO RAMDUMB XDXD" idea to toss them around into various baskets and stuff, knocking over some other stuff. We hear the hollering, and go over to see he's made a huge fucking mess. He then grabs an Applejack box and starts making a piss poor southern impersonation (For reference, this takes place in Virginia. I've got a rather thick accent, Jekyll and Hyde moved here with their folks a couple years back) The manager comes out and sees the mess, and demands an explanation.

Hyde proceeds to try to blame the mess on me, saying "He was trying to buy ponies! Things for little girls!" At this point, I kind of lost my temper and raised my voice. At that point, we were asked to leave. I didn't talk to him for a while after that

>>19003918
Have you ever worked retail? Have you ever dealt with some of the shit customers will do?

I can assure you, I was fully justified in asking this fellow to leave the premises.

>>19003924
>Hyde proceeds to try to blame the mess on me, saying "He was trying to buy ponies! Things for little girls!"

Wooooooow... blaming his shitty, man-child behaviour on someone else. What an asshole.

>>19003869
To answer your question, no. Hyde is not a Brony. He tries to be "Hardcore" by hating, but it makes him look like an idiot

Me and the DM are, ca/tg/irl doesn't care, and Jekyll isn't, but he says that he can see why people like it.

>the hyuryt

Damn right I'm gonna put the hurt on him one day captcha

>>19003941
I think the Anon just wants specifics, it sounds like a funny story.

>>19003975
I agree. I'd love to hear that story, even if it isn't /tg/ related

>>19003975
>>19003998
It's been over six years since it happened, all I can remember is that I may have accidentally coined the term "pussy deflector" when talking to my coworker about him after the fact.

>>19003962
I meant to link to >>19003891

Sorry, OCD habits and all

We got a kid (15 or so) playing a psyker in our DH game after everyone warned him against playing it. And the character is constantly trying to get himself killed (well, he doesn't want to be killed, but actions speak louder than words). He just went into a rather hostile city alone, just out for a walk... While he knew that we had been watched before after we investigated some exceptional murders with zombies involved. Our DM was merciful though and didn't actually kill him.
But in the end, while he can be a very annoying character, he ends up being a butt monkey all the time and gives us good laughs (though I don't think his player likes it as much was we do).

>>19004098
Why is it always the Psykers that are the asshats in DH games?

I am almost done reading about Luke, Plagueson of Nurgle.

I am almost positive that even Papa Nurgle wouldn't love this guy. Holy shit, there is plagued and then there is homo erectus slobovius.

>>19004117
If they weren't they wouldn't play a class where a bad roll can fuck over the whole party.

>>19003028
Assburgersfag here, I've gotten over most of my symptoms, it just takes time. The only one I'm not over is my very strong aversion to some textures.

>>19004194
You still like silk, though, right?
I mean, goddamn.
Silk is, like, the pimp-daddy of textures.

I should also mention some other things that Hyde does that pisses us off. I don't want to feel like I'm in /r9k/ though, so I'll be brief and try to keep it /tg/ related.

>Once stole money from his mother to buy a squad of Guardsmen, painted them horribly and called them "The legionaries", painting a horrible picture of Anonymous on the tiny plastic flag
>Refuses to play Mouse Guard for being "Furry", hates 4e for no particular reason
>Calls the Tau "Dumb Weeaboos" yet also refers to the female ones he saw once on /tg/ as "Fuckin' hot"
>Once sang a variation of "Die Fahne Hoch" (How he knows that song, I have no idea) when my German American grandpa stayed at my house

Of all the places to rob and murder a shopkeeper, why a -bread shop-? Why not a jewelery or magical good store?

I think the reason why we put up with him so much is that we think he's got some sort of mental illness. I know that Jekyll is a bro, but Hyde? He's a fucking lunatic. Either he's running on MAXIMUM AUTISM or he has something fucking around in his head.

I have no idea, /tg/

>>19004318

It seems the slightly overweight large-breasted redheaded baker's daughter is becoming the board's waifu.

>>18999959
>thinly veiled "That guy" thread
ok
>guy thinks being OP is fun
>he and the other DM run alternate Saturdays
>His character isn't really OP in the other DM's game, but his skill checks are through the roof
>say that its from items and gives the cost
>has an animal companion (druid) that we are suspicious about
>dies to a death touch about 3 sessions in
>we decided to look into his character
OOOH BOY
>flat out lied about the cost of his items (saying 2,000 or so for a 10,000 gold item)
>animal companion was off of a list unavailable to him at his current level
>skill checks obviously cheated
then there was his character that never saw the light of day
>goes home and makes a Barbarian
>says it has around 105 HP
>"how the fuck did you do that?"
>"Oh, I rolled max on every die roll"
>rolled max
>on 6 die rolls
>sure

DM was going to make him re-roll his character.

Cont.

>>19004381
Cont.

His game
>has us massively OP
>items that should be for 12th-14th level characters are on lvl 6's and 8's
>not liking it because he has to start guessing CR for encounters
>getting raped because he cannot into encounters
>ask him before his game one day about either giving up our items or just rolling new characters at that level with starting gear.
>"oh, you guys only have like 2 more sessions, we can talk after that"
>never shows up again

Nobody has heard from him or been able to make contact for 2 weeks. So, one of the guys is just going to run some Beyond The Supernatural now.

>>19004300
>Once sang a variation of "Die Fahne Hoch"
I don't know that particular song, but surely it can't be much worse than "Deutschland, Deutschland, Uber Alles".
I mean, if something's going to be associated with a xenophobic regime..

>>19004439
It was the actual anthem of the Nazi Party. It's worse through context, just not as well known.

>>19004474
Ho boy.
Yeah, I can see how that wouldn't pan out well.

>>19004439
Die Fahne Hoch was the anthem of the Nazi party

It was sung along with "Deutschland uber alles" from 1933-1945

And "Deutschland uber alles" is actually much older. It's still used today, just the first and second verses have been cut

Somebody archive this thread. These are the best stories I've seen in a while

Great job guys

http://chanarchive.org/request_votes
I'll just leave this here.

This guy, no matter what. Every time he will roll a beefy character, plate armour big hit pool. But every time, without a doubt. He will always sit in the back and whine that the monsters are unfair even if they are levels below them leaving others including the wizard half the time to get hit from going in early. I just want to kill him in some session, he roleplays like a fucking paladin no matter what the character.

I really don't have the talent for storytelling, but my current party is just starting a 5th level campaign. We're all attendees at a Wizard's Academy, so everyone has at least one level in wizard. We're also playing 4th level characters. Given that we have two Monks and one Grapple Wizard, the entire game has gone full-on Kung-fu-movie style.

>>19004430
Wow, what a turbo-fag

Good for you, abandoning his ass

>>19004595
>Grapple Wizard

That sounds badass

>>19004607
Seems more like he just dropped off the radar.

>>19004641
Probably really effective too, if it's 3rd ed then all it takes is casting true strike and almost autograppling the first turn. Bam now they are on your terms (let's see them chant and wiggle their fingers while in the sleeper hold).

>>19004237
Mmmm.....silk... Be right back, I'm going to make sweet, sweet love to my silk hankerchief.

>>19004328
>using mental illness as an excuse
NOPE
We had someone in the group before who was a stones throw away from being retarded, no joke, BORDERLINE RETARDED.
>would openly hit on DM's daughter
>slowed down combat
>general bad decision

Story time
>Idle chit chat while deciding how to rest
>That guy says "I want to tie myself up in a tree"
>very history interested, gun enthusiast of the table says "oh, like the Japanese in WWII?
>That guy flips shit, saying he's part japanese and takes offense to that
>takes offense
>to a historical fact

Turns out, he wasn't japanese.
After he slowed combat to a fucking crawl at one point, thinking it was smart to loot during combat, the group voted him out, 4 voting to kick him out, 1 was indifferent.

>>19004607
We didn't know what the fuck was with him either. He started out really cool, then right after
>>19004851
Happened, he went full retard
might as well tell more about him
>self appointed group leader when we already appointed someone else as party leader/speaker
>tried to take loot for himself (DM always gave us rolls to notice him)
would have got us TPK'ed by around 400 Kobolds if the DM hadn't let us bring the money offer back up after he walked out of the room.

>>19004851
>using mental illness as an excuse

I have one of those people in my group.

>Rogue Trader
>Party investigating underground cult in hive city they owned, known they have access to autoguns and shotguns
>Pulls out mono-spear and decides to charge into the cultist's room solo
>unarmoured
>with five guys in the room, with two shotguns
>who are at the far end of a sewer chamber
>out of charge range
>he get really butthurt when his character is almost killed, says I cheated, cries to other players about how unfair I'm being, demands to see dice rolls, etc..

He also had grenades and ranged weapons far better than poking them with a stick. Should have just killed the fucker off then.

>>19004909
>>19004851
The funny thing is that Hyde doesn't think there's anything wrong with him

It's not like he's screaming "I HAVE ASSBURGERS! I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!" This is how he actually thinks he should act in public

>>19005012
Could be undiagnosed (which also means unmedicated). Or possibly he's just an asshole with every chance not to be but too dumb to realize he's a douchebag.

>>19005049
>medicating assburgers
What? No. It takes some therapy maybe, but mostly just an effort by the patient to overcome his limitations. There is no possible medication.

>>19005012
this is >>19004851
I'v played with people who had Aspergers, and she wasn't that bad. A little quiet and uptight at times that she did talk, but NOTHING like Hyde.

>>19003416
Being a self-aware That Guy doesn't help, though, because then you spend so much time worrying that you're being That Guy again that you become a different but equally intolerable sort of That Guy.

>>19005131
Yeah, the ones that actually have a problem are usually pretty okay, and if they've been diagnosed, they usually understand that they might need to watch what they say and do.

Even the barely functioning ones aren't usually all THAT GUY to the level that we hear of.

Most however are "assburgers", people who've heard of the term on the internet and use it a-la Eric Cartman to be complete fuckwads expecting and demanding that they be afforded ALL OF THE BENEFITS OF ALL THE DOUBTS for everything they ever do or MOST EGREGARIOUS FOUL ON THINE PART.

shit, I'm engaged to a girl "with aspergers", and all you could really say about it is she's a bit blunt and spaced out once in a while, bless her heart. She also sticks to the party meatshield job.

>>19004300
>Once stole money from his mother to buy guardsman

Oh wow, what an assha-

>Painted them horribly, called the "The legionaries", painting a horrible picture of Anonymous on the tiny plastic flag

>mfw

>>19004359

...wait, what?

>>19005515
It's a, uh... it's a long story.

>>19005600

I've been sick. Tell me, or link an archive?

>>19005642

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18857254/

>>19004851
I have tourettes syndrome myself. Not the cussing kind but I have very nervous twitches. How do I do this? Make sure people I'm in the company of are aware of my condition and that I give them enough personal space so that I don't swat them by accident.

>>19007392
Well, that's the thing

You made your disability known to everyone and didn't let it get in the way of stuff. That's doing it right

>>19003028
Can tell you are not and do not know any autism sufferers. Severe autism can be completely crippling.

>>19007392
That's the appropriate response to your situation and syndrome and its a courtesy to other people too. "Hey guys... I have tourrettes - not the swearing kind, but the involuntary muscle spasms and twitches kind, I'd like to play with you guys, but please be forewarned that I may at times end up knocking something over, or if you are too close to me potentially hitting you, please keep a minimum 5 foot area around me clear".

That is being accountable to your condition and situation. I respect you anon.

Let's see... in a sense, everybody in our group has a few quirks (one likes to write out HUGE character backstories, another can be a little too "meta" at times) but this one guy... ugh.

He argued about all kinds of stupid little details, just so his fictional character could be just that little bit cooler. It got to the point where the GM was constantly asking him if That Guy even wanted to play any more, and I was singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" just so I could have something fun to do. Worst part, we were playing Cyberpunk 2.0.2.0. and his character was a Solo, so beating him up in-character was impossible (Solo's special ability is to know if somebody is drawing a weapon near him). We eventually got rid of him by telling him we were moving to another place.

Thing is, we've got a new member on our table, and while he's not That Guy... well, at times he's certainly pushing it.

>We're playing 3.5, and our party consists of a Monk, a Rogue, a Paladin, a Wizard and a Sorceror. Nobody's above level 3. What do you want to play as?
>Archivist!
>our faces when he's serious

Also:
>some cute obscure historical system
>thugs approach, demanding "toll"
>they can clearly kick our arses
>fuck it, let's pay
>new guy decides to pay... and slap main thug
>GM has to handwave reason why we're not all immediately sold into slavery

In all fairness, those are two isolated incidents, he's otherwise pretty good company and a good and creative gamer to boot. Still...

>>19003283
The AK-47 was made in 47....
That is why its called the AK Fucking 47
This guy is still an asshole
But really now...

a dude in in my PF group skimms the edges of thatguydom very closely at the moment.

He plays a chaotic neutral cleric of a godess of lust and knowledge. His character is a lesbian elf/celestial whoms greatest goal in life is to create the finest all female harem in the world. He describes his character (out of combat at least) as dressing in sexy see trough clothes, proficient in "exotic" dancing and so on.

Still plays her as a bro, pulls her load as a healer in combat and is generally helpfull in social endeavours without snatching the lime lights.

I mentioned Leadership and what it does last game since my paladin uses it to have a band of vigilantes. He got a naughty glimpse in his eye and then declared that he finally have a means to get ALL the bitches.

That whole Red Dawn story sounds like a cross between Freedom Fighters and Happy Days

I can just imagine the greaser saying "Eyyy" as he brandishes an M-14, the scientist smiling geekily as he adjusts his glasses, and the Soldier frowning and complaining about commies and acting like an asshat.

>>19011505
>one likes to write out HUGE character backstories,
>another can be a little too "meta" at times
>Archivist!
>argued about all kinds of stupid little details, just so his fictional character could be just that little bit cooler.
>I was singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" just so I could have something fun to do.

Guess who the most annoying person in the group is!

That guy? That guy.

Rogue Trader DM here. Our Rogue Trader alternates between semi okay to annoying whingebag of fuck. Let us start with session one. because when i was 15 and got into his group and refused to read the PHB (20 new, read all the sauce for 3.5 etc. As you fucking should) he took revenge to not read even the core or learn the basics of the system. So when it got into session two and i was asking for rolls he admitted, i expect, to annoy the shit out me that he was just rolling and waiting for us to tell him if he succeeded in whatever id asked them to roll or not. Fast forward after walking him fucking through personally of the system through skills, to combat to ship to ship stuff and he gets impaled along with another PC by ice. The other guy (seneschal) gets himself out of the situation through a combination of stimm, a lasgun to the ice shard that impaled him and pulling himself up off it for massive tissue trauma. What a boss. Our trader? Sat around whining "Am i up yet? I'm bored". cont.

Thankfully RL interfered with successive sessions and we put it down to in traction. He comes back. After that it's been one long combination of "I want to bring 100 of the crew to back us up" and fucking off to bang his girlfriend midway through campaign. Now, one of the party members is an ork mekboy, his clan is part of the crew. This doesn't do much mechanics wise, just lets me instigate deus ex orkchina for lulz now and then, but he thinks its a free ticket to "throw hundreds of orks at the problem". when i try to explain thats now how the system works outside large scale wars or battles, he argues WHY. He is the captain and he should be able to do that. I more or less have to mix "because they are essential to the ship functioning" and "because i'm the DM and creating warzones when you should be doing things a little more covertly is stupid". So that is my groups that guy.

PS. He's very much into "Lol chaos is cool i want to be a heretic". He doesn't really understand 40k either. Usually by stating "That is stupid" for just about everything. I don't know why he is in the game, i suppose i feel some loyalty to my own DM. He runs DnD fantastically but he's a bit of a tard towards any other system. Thanks for sharing my pain.

My group has it pretty bad. We have this one guy who I can only assume is the real life equivalent of a dwarf crossed with an orc with downs. He always makes characters with goals against the party. He will go out of his way to stir shit, IC and OOC.

Last session, he threw rocks at groups of shock lizards in a cave because his orc character was, and I quote, "Bored."

>>19012355
>>19012336
Wow, what a tool

I feel your pain, I have a kid in my RT games that always tries to act like a underhanded cunt. Always tries to pull CN "I piss on the King" bullshit

>>19012385
>He threw rocks at groups of shock lizards in a cave because his orc character was, and I quote, "Bored."

>>19012386

I honestly just wish he would pretend to be in a serious venture, i try and inject lulz into the games. We have a Commissar Career (dark reign fan thing i think) Gretchen lurking around with a huge ego and being ineffectual but nope. His char is called Bonefuck in a pimp hat and stupid accents and if he isn't the center of attention he is bored. If the group wins in combat they are overpowered and if he loses he hates his weapons and bitches his char is useless. He has fucking rareass las gauntlets i let him roll for at gen as an incentive to a new player. It's all a bit of a mess and writing this dampens my soul a little. Other than him i am loving the balls out of the campaign.

>>19012410
Honestly, that's kinda dickish but throwing rocks at lizards does seem like something a bored orc would do.

I once had some daft cunt of a player who would always try to roll up characters that he ripped off from whatever shit anime he was watching at the time.

Once he tried to make a Yuske Yurameshi like character (Kind of cool IMO) in our Mutants and Masterminds game, but he fucked it up and ended up being a whiny "ME FIRST" cunt

He once hid in a mailbox during a fight because "I could get hurt"

>>19012460
I would have to agree with you, But I was barely scratching the surface.
His orc character wears a loincloth only (he painfully describes it's smell, and tries to get naked at any opportunity) and he's always trying to eat other members of the party (who are all individually stronger and better in general than him).

His previous character? a goblin obsessed with autoerotic cannibalism. He tried to rape my character's goddamn ear hole.

Before that? A gruff beastmaster with a bear campaign. The beastmaster was antisocial. To everyone. No reason. He just wanted to be a prick.

Pretty sure he was fucking his bear as well.

>>19012493
companion, not campaign.
It's late here, haha.

>>19012460
It does seem like a particularly orc-y thing to do

I just don't think that the player was doing it for character reasons. Probably because it was "lolsorandumb xD"

I had a "That Girl" in a 4e D&D campaign some buddies and I did back in highschool. She was boinking our DM, a good buddy of mine, which is why she was able to get away with her bullshittery. Our party, pre-"That Girl", consisted of a dragonborn Paladin of Bahamut, a halfling rogue, an Eladrin Wizard, a Dwarf cleric, and myself a Tiefling Warlock. We were resting in a small village before heading out to find some Magic McGuffin or something, it's been quite some time so the details are a bit fuzzy. This is where we meet her. She has OOC issues with the Wizard so she pulls a mega-bitch move she had rolled up an Eladrin Wizard with some unusually high rolled stats and a few magical items were higher than anything we had. The rest of the party exchanges looks as it's a bitch move but decide not to say anything until we've seen her play.

>>19013136

We're in the local tavern eating, drinking, and chatting with the locals when she sees our party. She comes up to us and starts chatting, it's going good at this point, and eventually joins us as her mentor is in the same direction we're traveling. Our characters retire to their quarters and the first thing we hear in the morning is her bitching at us to get out of bed because she has to deliver an urgent message to her mentor. We head out and she is bossing all of us around both IC and OOC. We're all pretty irritated by her “self-appointed leadership” at this point, except for the DM who was probably going to get “Gosh wasn't my character just the best!” “Yes darling she was” sex.

>>19013145
A quick bit of background for the magic. The DM had ruled, in order to keep things even between the Wizard and Warlock, that each class had mastery over certain types of magic. I can't remember exactly what now but we often worked together to take down magical wards and other spells.
We came to a wall in the canyon we were traveling through and we decide to check for arcana and take a short rest. That Girl begins searching the area for arcana and the Wizard and I assist. She scoffs IC and says that she doesn't need the help of “lesser mages”. My character drops his hands and goes to join the rest of the party. It's discovered that the wall is a fairly complex piece of magic. Involving illusion, wards, and a few other things.
That Girl says she wants to remove it. The DM explains that she'll need my help because of the types of magic involved. She begins bitching and moaning OOC that it's not fair that her character is soo great and shouldn't need my help. This goes on for about fifteen minutes of the pussy-whipped DM calmly explaining how magic worked in this campaign and her bitching. He finally relents and the magic is de-spelled.
We all decide that this is a good stopping point because even the DM is a bit irritated at this point. He drives her home and then comes back. We all have a civil discussion about why she shouldn't be invited back and he agrees. She bitches him out hard for not playing again though.

>>19013150

Oh so you want to dispel the magical ward eh?

Here's a way to do that cuntsniff, since you're character only very recently joined the game as a DM I may be able to retcon that you've multi-classed in (Whatever the appropriate mage type was to dispell the door) but beyond that, unless you have a scroll or some other magical item (MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE TAKEN SOMETHING THAT EMULATES SPELLS YOU AREN'T VERY GOOD AT INCASE ONE OF YOU GETS INCAPPED AND YOU NEED THE DAMN MAGIC) to help you dispel the barrier, You are not going to destroy the fucking integrity of our entire universe just because you feel that you're characters competent enough to dispell it

She can sure as hell try, she can try everything she wants but the simple fact is she was not trained in the appropriate type of magic and the ONLY OTHER WAY I CAN THINK That you'd be able to get through that fucking barrier is To Spell-craft a NEW spell that SPECIFICALLY deals with the barrier in front of you.

Jesus fucking christ Shut the Fuck up before I godsmack you with this table.

Most of these stories seem to involve massive failures on the part of the DM/other players, not just 'that guy', the most common being a simple inability to discuss and agree on what they're meant to be doing when they sit down to play the game.

>>19013254
>cuntsniff
>you're character
>destroy the fucking integrity of our entire universe
>you're characters

Childish, misogynistic, subliterate, and taking it all WAAAAAY too seriously.

IOW, standard for /tg/.

Guys, c'mon. What's /tg/ without a little social awkwardness?

Less raging at the players, more raging at "That Guy"

My own story

>That guy is some creepy 30 year old fat man in a fedora
>Tries to roll up fox women, and calls us "Fascists" when we refuse to let him
>Once killed the Paladin when he got knocked down to -4 hp, tried to blame it on "His split personality"
>Makes lewd jokes and slurps his mouth in a disgusting way

Eeeeaugh

Well i have fuck all to do. Complaining GM of Bitchy Bonefuck the rogue trader, a bit more background around his petty "I won't read the material because you didn't years ago". He works extensive on homebrew systems and settings which i occasionally have a hand in. Rulechanges for DnD are sound, settings and fluff is good and i provide where i can guidance as an outside view of what is very occasionally his own ultra realism faggotry. See when i began running i did lose interest in HIS settings and he got pissy, butthurt and shitmad. He initially tried to bring the game down, critisizing the sessions, my DMing and the system to other players trying to sow dissent and break the game up, to continue playing HIS games (Which we could still do but i stole his timeslot on fridays due to him flaking out of DMing due to...inconsistent reasons). This was brough to my attention, which is when i actually discovered he hadn't read it and was rolling and surrepticiously waiting to be told what he had done. When asking what he didn't like and why it was mumble mumble shuffle shuffle "I don't know what i'm rolling". I called session.

>>19013547

Okay, fine.

We play a convention game, post apocalyptic mystery supernatural noir. WoD system. Game world makes no sense, the apocalypse doesn't seem to have stopped people having jobs and living in apartment buildings. GM is a fat guy who looks kind of like a frog.

We try to solve the mystery, follow leads etc. Our leads go nowhere and eventually he reveals that a ghost did it. As the investigation was basically a waste of time nobody is invested enough to give a shit about his excruciatingly detailed description of how super scary the ghost is, so we sit through it trying not to snicker.

So the game sucks, but whatever. I friend the guy on Facebook, most of his updates consist of him complaining about how mean people are to him because he's fat and gay. Fair enough, that can't be pleasant.

Then he makes a post claiming he has the right to punch anyone who insults him in the face, I point out that he doesn't, and he throws a hissy fit and unfriends me. His last message declares that if he punches someone, it's their fault, just as if they "stepped in front of an out-of-control bus."

tl;dr: Obnoxious fat guy compares himself to a bus.

>>19013876
>>Compares himself to a buss

>>19013876
>Compares himself to a bus

I'm sorry, but what? Why would he say that?

>>19013876
A bus?
Ha, this faggot.

I play with the dude who always thinks he's team leader in every fucking game and gets made at the rest of us when we don't make characters that either augment shit character or are as versatile as his.

Once, when we were playing the Star War RPG, he nearly killed my character and had the rest of the party ratted out to the Empire just because we were bailing out of the compound we were spying on because he wanted to get the bounties on every inside who was in the compound by stirring up a workers upraising when we were just sent in to see if there was anyone trying to start shit to begin with. He assumed that we were personally trying to undermine him by not keeping him in the loop/not doing things his way.

He's a good guy, but he tries to make himself king of every situation.

>>19012493
....waaaaait a minute.

How the hell does autoerotic cannibalism work?

>>19013876
>compares himself to a bus

You wait ages and then three arrive at once?
Always does the same route every day?
Full of schoolchildren, babies and coffin dodgers?
Controlled by a bald sociopath?
Looks awful and smells worse?
Nobody wants to ride him?
Never goes or does what you want?
You can hear him coming from half a mile away?
Strange-coloured fluff everywhere?

>>19014809
Every time he's on rocky terrain he bounces and jiggles and shakes hard enough to give someone a concussion!

His inner bits are coated in dust, dirt and made up of leathery fixtures that are repaired with paint and old duct tape!

If you leave anything close to him by accident, it disappears and will never be found!

He's always hot and sweaty and can never cool down!

He rattles and shakes like a mariachi band full of epileptic musicians!

Everywhere he goes, he leaves a foggy, oily trail of smoky stank!

He's in desperate need of a new muffler!

>>19014764

You don't need to eat a WHOLE person to be a cannibal.

Well ok actually I think under some naval/military tradition it only counts if you kill someone in order to eat them, but in common parlance I think just chopping a little off someone and eating it counts, even if they live and even if it's an injury they can heal back. A little slice of muscle, say.

... actually I'm not sure if you're a cannibal for eating yourself, even if you're technically eating manflesh.

>>19014931
Self-cannibalism is known as autophagia. And trust me, I'm well acquainted with how cannibalism works, seeing as how I'm weird as hell.

But it's the "auto-erotic" aspect that makes me wonder what the fuck. Auto-erotic means that there's no other outside input required, like masturbation or other forms of self-stimulus. So "auto-erotic cannibalism" implies that he would be sexually aroused through autophagia. Meaning he'd have to eat parts of himself to get out.

Last I checked, goblins didn't...regenerate.

>>19014998

Maybe he bites his fingernails?